


Half of you aren't even villains anymore, what the fuck

by AetherF1ow



Category: Kirby (Video Games)
Genre: 02 doesn't exist only Zero, DMK and daroach are friends but also rivals, Dark Matter and DMS are the same guy ok, Death Threats, How the fuck does one tag kirby, Humor, Meta Knight is So Done, NO SHIPS THATS ILLEGAL, but its friendly!!!, knight rivials!, magolors long ass hair, marx is on some kind of drug, miracle matter wants sanity, most of them hate each other, so does half the cast
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29492664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AetherF1ow/pseuds/AetherF1ow
Summary: Zero: I'mthisclose to losing itMiracle: For reference, he looks like he's about to blow a fuse.Magolor: pic pleaseMiracle:pissedeye.jpgMeta Knight: I had no idea it was possible for an eye to look that angryDark Matter: holy shit, you've never seen miracle angry before, its scary
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33
Collections: Kirby Chatfics





	1. marx does his thing

**Author's Note:**

> Miracle Matter gives me ptsd as the hardest boss i've fought in kirby to date, but also has my favorite boss theme

**Villains chatroom**

Marx: whoever tried to make this serious made a shitty mistake by inviting me in here

Zero: Who invited him?

Zero: It's been two minutes, I know most of you are online, who did it.

Zero: Five minutes. It's been five fucking minutes.

Dark Meta Knight: it was daroach

Daroach: It was Drawcia.

Drawcia: you bitch, it was marx

Marx: how would i invite myself in????

Marx: it was magolor btw

Magolor: susie

Susie: Taranza.

Taranza: Uhhh, it was Dark Matter.

Dark Matter: motherfucker, it was miracle matter

Miracle Matter:

Miracle Matter: Sir, you forgot the fact that you're the only admin and only you can add people.

Zero: So i'm the dumbass that invited chaos himself into the chat. Great.

Meta Knight: Seven minutes on the same topic, i'm almost impressed.

Zero: Wait, I didn't add him in.

King Dedede: OH ITS THE BLOBS THAT POSSESSED ME ONCE

Dark Matter: three times

King Dedede: YOURE JOKING

Zero: I didn't invite him either, what the fuck is going on.

Marx: ayo i was looking at the mods for this and theres 2

Zero: What.

Dark Matter: all for thinking miracle matter is obviously the other one say i

Dark Meta Knight: i

Susie: I

Magolor: i

Marx: i

Galacta Knight: I

Meta Knight: Oh great, they're both here.

Taranza: Can confirm, I got an invite from Miracle Matter.

Zero: Miracle Matter.

Miracle Matter: Um.

Zero: I can't do this right now, oh my fucking god.

**Zero has disconnected**

Meta Knight: Wait, how are you guys typing, you have no arms.

Miracle Matter: Don't question it.

Hyness: wtf did i miss yall

Daroach: He really just said y'all.

Dark Meta Knight: so did you

Daroach: Shut it.

**Miracle Matter has changed 3 names**

Miracle: Made it easier to tell apart the knights.

Galacta: Not necessary for me.

DMK: is anyone going to mention the fact that marx has admin now

Miracle: What.

Marx: its time bitches

**Marx has changed the chat name**

Miracle: That's so dirty.

Susie: Very.

Taranza: I'm very concerned because the second it changed, Magolor started cackling from the other room.

Magolor: its fucking hilarious ok

DMK: sounds like you have a dirty mind

Marx: to be fair most of us do

Drawcia: speak for yourself 

Hyness: so what did i miss

Meta Knight: Too much to be summed up in one message.

Magolor: zero lost it and marx is doing marx things

Dark Matter: oddly accurate

Meta Knight: I stand corrected.

King Dedede: SHOULD WE GET KIRBY IN HERE

Miracle: If you do, i'm going to saw your limbs off one by one.

King Dedede: WITH WHAT YOU CUBE

Miracle: He doesn't know?

Dark Matter: to be fair kirby was the only one to see you

Miracle: Fair point.

**Zero has reconnected**

Zero: I was gone for ten minutes and Marx has admin.

Marx: how tf did you know that when you didnt even scroll up

Zero: The chat name.

Susie: Please change it back, I don't need some rando picking up my phone one day and seeing that on my messages.

**Zero has changed the chat name**

Zero: I have half a mind to remove admin from you Marx, but I won't.

Marx: do eyes even have brains

**Zero has revoked admin from Marx**

Zero: Changed my mind.

Marx: NO FUCK

Magolor: this isnt going to last

Meta Knight: My sanity won't last.

Galacta: Good.

DMK: good

Meta Knight: Yes, fuck you too.

Susie: Not very knight like to swear.

King Dedede: HES HARDLY A KNIGHT ANYWAYS

Meta Knight: Just like how you're hardly a king.

Miracle: Is this normal?

Magolor: yes and no

Dark Nebula: hi

Daroach: OH GOD OH FUCK

Zero: Oh my God.


	2. miracle matter the grammar bot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> King Dedede: IGHT YALL GOTTA LISTEN UP
> 
> Miracle: Y'all*
> 
> King Dedede: SHUSH CUBE
> 
> Miracle: Excuse me?
> 
> Marx: i love how we go from the knights being assholes to a wannabe king telling us what to do with our lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never noticed until yesterday morning that Daroach fucking squeaks in star allies and I love it too much

**We're all fucking crazy in some way**

King Dedede: WAKE UP YALL

King Dedede: **@everyone**

Magolor: OI I NEED 12 FUCKING HOURS OF SLEEP WHAT DO YOU WANT

Susie: Why does anyone need 12 hours of sleep?

Magolor: im not healthy ok dont question it

Susie: I'm questioning it.

Meta Knight: King Dedede, you're aware that this entire chat is made up of villains that most likely won't take too kindly to being woken up.

King Dedede: TO BE FAIR HALF OF EM AINT VILLAINS ANYMORE

Miracle: Ain't*

King Dedede: OI

Dark Matter: istfg im going to possess you again and throw you off a cliff if you do that again

Meta Knight: There's my point.

Daroach: I'm on my twelfth cup of coffee

Taranza: Is this because of the whole "Dark Nebula exists" thing?

Daroach: What do you think

Taranza: You're not using punctuation for once, so yes?

DMK: he sent me a recording of a mental breakdown yesterday night

DMK: it wasnt him in the video it was some random dude

Daroach: I now know I can't trust you with shit

Zero: I'm seriously considering turning off pings because if someone gets the smartass idea to spam everyone, i'm going to lose my mind again.

Marx:

Marx: **@everyone**

Marx: **@everyone**

Marx: **@everyone**

**Miracle has muted 1 user**

Zero: This is why you're my favorite.

Miracle: Yesterday you told me outright that i'm your least favorite despite me being your personal bodyguard.

Zero: That was yesterday, this is today.

Meta Knight: Either tender friendship moment, or very healthy work relationship moment.

Magolor: more like zero just admitted he doesnt give a shit about any other workers

Dark Matter: i hate how youre right

Magolor: FHJFBHWF I WASNT EXPECTING THAT 

Drawcia: does somebody need therapy

Dark Nebula: daroach might lmao

Daroach: SATAN INCARNATE 

Dark Nebula: pretty sure thats zero but ok

Zero: Is Nebula really that scary? He's just a star with an eyeball. I created him specifically to not be creepy and to not scare the shit out of Kirby.

Meta Knight: Was that a confession?

Zero: No.

Daroach: YOU'D BE SCARED TOO IF THAT THING FUCKING POSSESSED YOU

Galacta: What's with all of your screaming?

Meta Knight: Good Morning.

Galacta: Fuck off

Meta Knight: Could've at least said Good Morning back,

Galacta: Good Morning. Fuck off

DMK: thats as close as youll ever get 

Kracko: I know this was here yesterday, and i've finally decided to type in here.

Kracko: I regret it immensely. 

Susie: Mood.

Dark Matter: the non important villains too?? dude???

Wiz: is it that surprising

Meta Knight: Ok, Kracko I get, but Wiz?

Wiz: fuck off

Zero: Meta Knight gets told to fuck off twice in a single day. Impressive.

King Dedede: IGHT YALL GOTTA LISTEN UP

Miracle: Y'all*

King Dedede: SHUSH CUBE

Miracle: Excuse me?

Marx: i love how we go from the knights being assholes to a wannabe king telling us what to do with our lives

Kracko: It's too early for this shit.

Wiz: amen

King Dedede: I AINT SOME WANNABE KING I AM A KING

Miracle: Ain't*

Meta Knight: Dedede, I think you should stop. 

Zero: First sensible thing anyone has said all day.

King Dedede: WHY

Meta Knight: I don't think villains take too kindly to being told what to do.

Dark Matter: ^

Zero: ^

Marx: ^

Magolor: ^

Taranza: Magolor, you're not a villain anymore.

Magolor: i still agree

King Dedede: BUT IM THE RULER I SHOULD BE MAKING THE RULES

Miracle: That might work on brainless Waddle Dee's. 

King Dedede: YALL ARE TELLING ME THAT CUBES AND DARK MASSES HAVE BRAINS???

Zero: That's it.

**Zero has disconnected**

Dark Matter: oh boy you better run, he's gonna beat your ass

King Dedede: WHAT

Miracle: He just left, I think you should run.

King Dedede: OH NO

Meta Knight: This is the worst thing i've ever been apart of.

Galacta: Never thought i'd agree with you, but agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternative title: magolor has an unhealthy sleep schedule, miracle matter the grammar correcter, daroach is still scared shitless of nebula, marx is a little shit, zero has favorites apparently, nebula isnt scary, the knights are assholes to each other, normal non important bosses finally appear, zero loses it again


End file.
